Sunday, January 31, 2010
No song has ever described what I feel it must be like to be Tim as closely as this one - Superman (It's Not Easy) by Five for Fighting.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
When I'm stuck in the middle of Tim struggling with his voices and rages, and my daughter being, well, 14, and both me and Tom buckling under a string of days that seem to be out to get us, it's sometimes hard to remember that we have a pretty good life. We are blessed, really. We have a nice home in a good neighborhood and an excellent school district. We have friends and neighbors we care for and that care for us. We have a large family that, for the most part, is supportive and loving. We have three children that, even with their separate challenges, are amazing, unique individuals. We have enough money to supply us with all that we need and most of what we want. Really, in this life, what more can you ask for?
My New Year's resolution is to focus on the blessings life has bestowed on me, and try not to be too whiny when there is a string of days that seem to give me more than I can handle. My hope for you is that the blessings of your life are enough to sustain you and buoy you up above the water when you feel you are drowning as well. My life is showered in blessings, even if they sometimes come in disguise.
Monday, January 4, 2010
When I confronted her about it, she said it was because she wanted "quiet," and that Tom and I are always mad at her. When I asked her what she meant by that, she said that we always get mad because she doesn't clean her room, doesn't feed the dogs (two of her three chores), and we want her to ask for help ad we get upset when she doesn't ask.
Then she proceeded to tell me she wants to run away from home because I won't take her to the salon for hair extensions.
For the past decade, we've discussed with her, over and over, that she only gets in trouble for two things:
- Refusing to ask for help when she needs it
One big bone of contention between us the past year has been her hair. As a black child in a mostly white town, she hates her curly hair. She wants it straight, or she wants it braided with extensions. I've taken her to black salons, and I've learned how to cornrow, how to blow her hair straight, etc. But...she doesn't want my help. And I've stopped taking her to the salon because, once her hair is done, she refuses to ask for help taking care of it - yet hasn't learned how to care for it because she refuses help in learning how - and I won't pay that kind of money for a 14 year old to get a hairstyle that will be toast in a day and a half because it's not taken care of.
She won't ask for help, from anyone. Even at school we have issues with the teachers tying to get her to ask for help. It's pathological.
So - we've found a therapist for her. She's going once a week. She had a year of cognitive behavioral therapy when she was 8, and after a year of weekly sessions, the therapist told us - no joke - that she was a "lost cause" and there was nothing she could do for us. Can you believe that?
But...we're going to try it again. I'm sure some family therapy will be involved as well. Something has got to work. Since we've had the time to focus on her - which she, of course, hates - we're realizing just how bad her refusal to ask for help is. She was content when we were focused on Tim at home - we couldn't get on her for being a recluse. I just hope it's not too late.